Listen up, Fiddleyonians. This is the best coffee in Salt Lake. No competition. We have a winner. Get your apostate asses over to Jack Mormon Coffee Company on the corner of E Street and 2nd Avenue the next time you're in town for General Conference.

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Some time ago I discovered the beauty of coffee in my life. I had always loved the smell but was sure I would share a busbench in hell with Richard Nixon if I ever dared drink it. Those days of ridiculous guilt about everyday normalcies are (I like to pretend) pretty well behind me. Donna, though she tolerates my Starbuck's excursions, would flip her lid if I were to actually buy a coffee pot and put it in our kitchen.

I have solved my at-home coffee problem. The Back-to-Basics Coco Latte Express ($19.99 at Target) makes a perfect latte. It is small, inconspicuous and also makes a mean hot chocolate, which is perfect because, as every Mormon knows, cocoa is not actually a hot drink. This makes it acceptable enough, I guess.

Each morning I pour milk in the mug, spoon in some instant coffee and switch the contraption on. 3 minutes later I have a pretty damn decent latte. Of course, Starbuck's it isn't. Four bucks it isn't either. For a change I can use chocolate milk or powdered cocoa mix along with the coffee. I sometimes add a sugar-free vanilla syrup for an added twist.

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I finally did it. Today, after a couple of years of regular coffee drinking, I finally asked someone at work to show me how to use the coffee maker.

I have appreciated the kindness of a few people in the office who regularly make the coffee. Occasionally however the morning coffee is gone by the time I get around to wanting a cup or, more rarely, I want a second cup and the pot is spent.

I have, on these occasions, feigned attempts to brew a pot by getting the bag of beans out of the fridge and glancing at the packaging. I'll take the grinder and filter basket out of the maker and look at them for a while. Then, I'll put it all back and give up. They never taught us how to do this at Mormon-sponsored scout camp.

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