Unexplained

Monday, November 12, 2007

I've had a hard time catching up on my sleep lately. After a couple days on the road and a weekend full of shows and rehearsal I was finally able to sleep in on Sunday morning.

Usually sleep-in mornings are interrupted by the kids or the dog or the insane urge to empty my fifty-nine gallon bladder. But this Sunday I was able to sleep soundly well into the ten o'clock hour. Which was followed by me not showering and instead watching television in my underwear until about one o'clock.

So far so good.

After a casual lunch of beer and stir-fry chicken that Donna whipped up we watched some sports on the big screen in the basement. Donna even "forgot" to wear her garments or go to church. Instead we just lounged and shooed the kids all day.

All-in-all, the very most perfect kind of a day I could ask for. But despite the relaxing day, I was still exhausted from both the week I had behind me as well as the one ahead. The week of a new show opening is always late rehearsals and very little rest. So when Donna came to bed around midnight and snuggled up close I simply wasn't in the mood.

It wasn't long before Donna was in tears wondering where she had gone wrong to deserve such a rejection. She hadn't done anything wrong. In fact, she'd done everything just about exactly right. Oh, I could have used a little working-up or whatever and I still find myself skeptical of her sincerity in these matters because of our truckloads of sexual baggage. But that wasn't really it. Whatever it was though was keeping me completely uninterested.

Minutes later, our entire past, as it always does, had once again made its way into our argument and our perfect day was ruined. We went to sleep angry and I woke today feeling weary and achy. We both did our best to pretend nothing was wrong but it clearly was.

I feel bad that she feels bad but find it hard to apologize for feeling how I felt. I wasn't interested and I would have felt ridiculous pretending that I was. Probably worse than I feel now.

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