Donna invented a new dirty word while we lay in bed Sunday morning basking in the glorious silence of children on vacation. WITH NO PANTS ON.

Mess kit.

So that she can never deny it, I posted the definition on Urban Dictionary.

You know how it would be really cool to have a time machine? Like, you could totally go back before you had kids and hang around the house in your underwear and drink beer or, you know, go to the demolition derby or a bar on a Sunday. Back before your mom lived in your basement. Back before your wife stopped wearing panties in exchange for full-time cotton long-johns.

Guess what? Someone invented that machine and this past weekend, Donna and I went back in time. It was like a magic spell had been cast on as I watched my mom's car disappear around the corner with with the kids crammed into the back seat like lobster in a cage. One of those magic spells that lasts one whole week.

Before the garage door even closed behind them I had my pants off. I NEVER get to spend time without my pants on. What with the house full of girls and my mom. I'm a boxers man and sometimes there's, you know, gapping. But this week, it just doesn't matter. So... in this house, this week, no pants. It's a rule, in fact.

I need a favor. Can you, real quick, go read every post on this site and tell me which ones I need to delete?

Earlier today, I was checking out my server logs and noticed a couple of referrals from Google searches for "ur mom's a nice piece of lettuce". Interesting. Then I noticed the IP address of the visitor. I mean, I recognized the IP address.

It's my home IP address. I knew Donna wasn't at home. A quick glance at my IM buddy list confirmed what I already knew. My oldest daughter, Megan, was online. The Google search was hers.

In episode 2, Mel, The Stay At Aum Mom (http://www.aummom.com) talks with Pete about growing up Mormon, regional dialects and might even mention where her tattoo is. She also reads a post she wrote about answering the door in a towel. Oh, and the theme for "I do, I'd do, Adieu"? Celebrities rumored to be Mormon.

Special thanks to Matt for giving me a hand with some much needed post production audio work. I'm working on a new recording setup for next week. Hopefully, the audio quality will be much improved and I won't need to call him in a panic again.

PLAY

Did you know that some people still fill out paperwork on, get this, paper?

Today, after finally getting a real, live person on the telephone at my insurance company, I was told they would fax me some forms to fill out and that I could mail them back for my claim to be processed. Umm. Fax? Mail? To give you information I already gave you? For a claim I already filed? More than a week ago?

Seriously?

Internet? Will you be my new bestest friend?

After Friday's post, I expected a whole duffel bag of venomous email and comments telling me that Mormon Jesus was saving a special place in the Telestial Kingdom next to Hitler. But you know what? I didn't get a single one of those.

Though I did get this little totally unrelated gem.

Some of you will be angry at me for what I'm about to tell you. If this makes you angry, let me know so I can come take a crap in your family room and see how you react. If that's no big deal to you, I can come back once or twice a week for six or seven years and leave a present for you in the corner of your kid's room and another under your bed.

This morning, when the dog did her business right in the middle of the front room, it was the last straw. Actually, a couple years ago, right after we moved into the new house and the dog decided to make a habit of welcoming all our new neighbors by biting them on the Achilles tendon. That was the last straw.

Understand something. We love animals. That's why we adopted the dog in the first place. We rescued her from the pound, cleaned her up and welcomed her into our family. But I couldn't exaggerate this, she has been just too much to handle. And admitting that makes me feel like a failure. Like there's more I could have done.

On the inaugural episode, Schmutzie (http://www.schmutzie.com) joins host Pete Dunn for a conversation about Canada, cats and cancer. Schmutzie reads a favorite post about being recognized by her postman. Also, find out which famous Canadians she would marry, have sex with and kill in everyone's favorite game show "I do, I'd do, Adieu".

PLAY

There's nothing new to report about the missing camera. I guess all there is to do now is hold out hope that someday, someone will see my camera walking down the street in the custody of a deranged self-proclaimed prophet and his crazy wife.

While all the personal electronics drama was going down I did manage to record and edit the premier of Blogger Love On Wednesday. It'll be up in just a few hours and I couldn't be more pleased with how it came out.

Just wait till you hear the guest tell me the name of her hometown. That alone is worth the price of admission. Which, by the way, is free.